A friend messaged to ask me "did you know Y passed away? I saw her friend posting a condolence message on her page"
I last spoke to her in December, she called to ask about my fall. She was her normal self, funny, and caring. We kept in touch via fb. And I do know for a fact that she wasnt sick or have any terminal illness.
So, I made a few enquiries to mutual friends. Yes she did.
The next line really shook me. She hung herself.
I was both shock and speechless. It cant be, Y is not that kind of person. Y is bubbly, strong, confident , a wonderful friend, a good wife and a truly loving mom and would never, ever turn to this act.
But hung herself she did.
After speaking to a close circle of friends I found out that she was having problems in her marriage. Lets not get into details but her last visit to the lawyers was the final straw. Left her kids with a friend to go to the lawyers and never came to pick them up. She went back home and you know what happened.
None of us really knew the extent of her problems. She did reach out but she did it by confiding bit and pieces to few close friends. I got to know the A part of the story, another got the B part, you know the drill. When all stories pieced together, we realised how truly bad it was for her. It was a bad situation but ..........
I cant image what was going through her mind when she decided to end her life. I know she loved her two kids dearly and would do anything for them. Could this be, that she died for them? I shudder to think of her determination to do the act. It takes courage to take your own life. Its got to be done properly. But I cant fathom her decision, for her kids are still young and need her. What was it that made her willing to leave them behind???
She's a tough cookie. I have known her for many years and she has always strived and giving up is not an option. So its really devastating for me not knowing what, and why she ended her life. The desperation. The need to end it all.
I guess we will never know. They say there's three sides of a story .. his, hers and the truth.
I am angry with her too. For not reaching out. Most probably we wont be able to help her much but one thing for sure, she would have had support, all the way to help her get through it.
I still shudder when I think about what happened. Its different reading about strangers doing it in the newspaper. When it hits close, you get all raw and exposed. I am sad she chose to go, but I also know that she would have really really felt like there's nothing left for her in this world.
May you rest in peace my friend.
To my friends, never ever think its the end of the world when things get tough and rough. Especially in our faith, you must truly believe that what happened , happened for a reason and God knows best. You have to have faith that things will get better and that you will be a better person too. Reach out. Talk to someone. Confide. Find a solution. Pray to God to steer you in the right path, to do the right thing. To have the strength to face whatever comes your way. Never lose your faith.
"You are not a loser, unless you lose faith in Allah" (unknown source).
Persevere. No one is worth your life. I would do it in a flash if it means I will save my children. If its a choice of me or them. But not for anything else.